Blame It On The Pain Episode 46
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???? Blame It On The Pain FORTY SIX:
(Jackson)
Shane had an emergency and it was too late to change since I was by myself and it was getting packed.”
Her brow wrinkles. “I heard your voice and it made me happy. But, then I heard the things you were saying about me.
And whether I liked it or not, I had to accept that there were people in that bar who might have shared your thoughts. Maybe even some who thought I was a wh’re.”
She looks me in the eyes. “But I’m not a wh’re, Jackson.” She gives me a small shrug. “I just wanted to tell you that.” There are moments in your life that you’ll never forget. Some good, some bad, some life-changing.
However, I never thought it was possible to fall in love with a single moment.
Especially a moment with a person who’s caused you so much pain.
Especially when the moment puts you in your place for being a monumental as shoIe.
But this moment right here?
I love this moment.
Despite what happened between us in the past, I still love this moment.
There’s so much strength, growth and beauty in this single moment pouring out from her…. I almost don’t want to ruin it by talking.
But I have to, if for nothing else then to say, “You’re right, Alyssa. You’re not a wh’re. You never were.” I wipe the tear from her cheek with my thumb and stand up. “I was wrong for the things I said last night. And I’m sorry.”
I give her one last smile before I walk away.
Then I put my armor up because I have to.
I’m stepping out the door when I hear Alyssa’s footsteps behind me. “Jackson, wait. Please.” I turn around and she grabs my hand and leads me to a small corner of the bar, giving us more privacy.
“I’m sorry,” she says.
I open my mouth to stop her, because although the moment we just shared was incredible, it doesn’t erase what happened.
And it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still irate with her about it.
“Please, I’m begging you to just hear me out,” she pleads. I go to turn away, but she tugs on my hand. “Ford was never my boyfriend. I was never with him!” she blurts.
“Although, there was a point in my life when I thought I wanted that,” she amends.
I pull my hand away and begin walking again. “I shouldn’t have lied to you about him being in my life,” she calls out. “But if you knew about the things between us. The things that went on.”
I stop mid-stride and turn around. “I don’t want to know about those things, Alyssa. Keep them to yourself. Trust me, I really don’t need to hear all about how you loved him and fked him.”
I didn’t mean to raise my voice, but I didn’t come here for this sht. I came here to apologize and go on with my life. Why can’t she just let me?
“But…Jackson. You don’t understand.”
No, she’s the one who doesn’t understand. “Did you have sx with him?”
She steps back with a guilty expression her face. “Yes. But it was—”
“Did you love him?” I interrupt.
She worries her bottom lip between her teeth before answering, “Yes. But it wasn’t—”
I cut her off. “Did you lie to me about the nature of your relationship with him?”
She looks down. “Yes.”
I lean in close to her ear. “You see, Alyssa. It really doesn’t matter what you think it was or what it wasn’t between you and him. That’s none of my business and quite frankly, I don’t give a sht.
The only thing that matters to me is that you loved him, you fked him, you lied to me about him and all three of those things ended up hurting me.”
I walk away from her this time with no hesitation.
The only thing that causes me to pause is when I hear her whisper, “I didn’t have sx with him that night. I wouldn’t do that to you.” But I still force myself to walk right out that door.
Because I don’t want to forgive her…I don’t want to fall for her. But most of all?
I don’t want to have to lie to her about who I really am…again.
TO Be Continued
